Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Step by sweet step

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. 
Psalm 119:105

This verse speaks volumes to me right now. God has been so faithful in directing my steps these past few weeks. He is opening doors and closing doors and affirming me in the direction I should go. I am so incredibly thankful. I have to say that though some closed doors have brought heartache, I have to be grateful that God has answered my prayer. If I truly want to follow Him and surrender my personal desires, than I have to be prepared to accept his authority over my life. I have to trade my tears for the hope of His plan which is greater than any plan I can devise on my own. Sometimes it gets hard because I become impatient and want to know immediately the outcome of certain situations, but it is in these days, weeks, months of waiting that I am trying to grow into a woman of wisdom and patience. I want to become more like my African friends who rely on Him for their every need. They rely on Him when they see Him and when they don't. I also want to always remember to be grateful. Today I am especially grateful for: 

God's sovereignty

faithful prayer warriors

financial provision

health and protection

and an amazing Shepherd who has divine goodness and mercy throughout my life and forever!

Monday, January 19, 2009

Lead me to the Cross

This past weekend I went to the lake with some of my best friends from college. A couple of times one of my friends noticed that I seemed more quiet and reserved since coming back from Africa. She was right, I have actually recognized it about myself as well. But the truth is, I have just had so much on my heart lately. Over the last few weeks, I have found myself faced down before God just praying for His wisdom and for his guidance in my life. I so desperately want His will and not my own, however when faced with such life altering decisions, sometimes its hard to differentiate His voice among the numerous voices surrounding me. Especially when certain voices are those with whom I have a great deal of respect. 

What do you do when God may be asking you to do something that seems crazy maybe even irrational by worldly standards? It is really hard...lately there have been a lot of questions, a lot of tears, and uncertainty but if I sit with it long enough I hear "Trust Me...." And isn't this how we were designed to live? Constantly on our knees, looking to him, seeking His will, and searching for our security in Him alone? I know why I don't put myself in these positions more often...because it is scary and uncomfortable to not know how things are going to turn out. But the reality of it is, no matter how cushioned I think I am...I still don't know how things are going to turn out!  So why am I scared? Jesus says throughout scripture "Do not be afraid." 

So I cling to the fact that I am His...and it's not about me, everything is about Him. He will make my paths straight as long as I am keeping my eyes on Him. I know that He loves me and has a plan for me. What an awesome God that he reveals Himself in His time not to frustrate or worry me but because He longs for a relationship with me. He wants me to trust Him so that he can just be who He is...the Mighty King of all creation! 

So when I'm tired, confused, lonely or lost, its often because im trying to live out of my own flesh. God lets me fight those little battles to remind me of my need for Him....He leads me to the Cross where my soul finds rest...