Saturday, March 21, 2009

Mother May I?

Over the the last few months I have felt a bit like my life has been "on pause" or "in a time of preparation." I am working at a job I know is temporary, living at home with my parents, and in constant thought and prayer about the future. The emotions one experiences in a time such as this run from sky high to deep lonely lows. In preparing for my next steps back to Africa, I have often felt like I am in the middle of the game "Mother May I?" There have been times where I have taken leaps forward, but only to then be met with two steps backward. Then another few hops ahead oh wait take two ballerina turns the opposite direction. I wish I had been able to blog about all the ups and downs I have faced, but the truth is I have been trying to be intentional about keeping this journey private. As I seek the Lord and His will for me, I have found it best to minimize the number of voices that will try to compete with His. With that being said, I do have a great group of precious people in my life who I do go to for wisdom and counsel. People who truly know my heart and who I know are committed to praying for the will of God and are not going to only tell me what I want to hear. In John 10:4 it says "His sheep follow him because they know his voice." God speaks to me in many ways, but one of them is through these dear brothers and sisters who love me and hold me accountable. 

 A revelation I have recently realized is that living out these days until I get back to Africa is not living at all and it is not what God would have me do. I love Africa and I have a heart for the children there, but that should not be my life's passion. My ministry is every second of every day no matter where I am. I am called to LOVE. I am humbled as I am constantly renewed and restored by his grace. I am reminded that I cannot fully comprehend his greatness. Be careful because when you start to think you have got it figured out, he will peel away what we think he wants from us only to draw us into a deeper more intimate relationship with him. That is what I think is happening to me. During this time in Atlanta, I believe he is teaching me to surrender to Him in every area of my life.  I love how Jesus is constantly molding me, shaping me, and teaching me to be more like Him.